Chapter 5: The Great Giggle Fiasco

One day many months after meeting each other at the fabled Nutella Tree, and many subsequent adventures therein (described in later chapters), the Three and a Half Queens were taking much-needed respite at the mountain chalet of Queen Asumi. On a particularly beautiful day, Asumi asked her three feisty friends to join herself and the lost children at the beach. Queen Laura and Fairy Sarah gladly acquiesced; they had been lounging around making funny noises for some time and were ready for the next entertainment. Asumi secretly worried that if Sarah and Laura were not given something to do they may create another minor havoc for which they were becoming well-known at the mountain chalet, so she made the pragmatic decision and lunch to match. Asumi also invited Warrior Emily, but she was busy teaching Captain Morgan's legion of scuba divers the intricacies of dry-land fitness. They were preparing for a deep dive in pursuit of the Crashed Vessel, The Bridgette, which sank when it's angry female commandeer (Captain Rachel) attempted to sail it to Africa by way of Japan and ended up slamming into Fiji. Warrior Emily doubted Captain Morgan Pepper's teams' real ability to conduct such a physically exacting dive and endeavored to get them into adequate shape.

Asumi, Laura, and Sarah commenced to a wonderful beach day. They swam in the water, picked up sea-shells, ate paratha sweetened with honey and drank chai tea (Laura's specialty: spicy and sweet, just like her). As they afternoon died down, a curious flock of duckgulls wandered near (cute like ducklings but searfaring like seagulls; created by mermaids to warn of pending storms above the ocean). Sarah thought the duckgulls were hilarious animals and quickly began to imitate their curious waddle and peculiar quacking. Of course, Sarah was able to speak duckgull, so to the delight of Laura and the lost children she arranged the duckgulls to perform small acrobatic acts. The duckgulls gladly entertained the crowds for over an hour, until finally all participants grew wary. Asumi decided to take the group back to the mountain chalet to rest, as it was Saturday and thus a Dance Party night. But Laura and Sarah were still giggling madly and attempting to woo the duckgulls back into flipping.

In fact, Sarah and Laura had begun to, for all-intensive purposes, terrorize the poor duckgulls. They weren't hassling the animals out of maliciousness; the Queens simply couldn't stop giggling as they imitated and joked about the poor, confused animals. As the duckgulls tried to waddle away, Sarah and Laura waddle/chased them, until the little group had wandered all the way down the ocean and were scattered amongst the rocky shore. Sarah and Laura continued to shout and giggle. The duckgulls were scared flight-less, but Sarah and Laura giggled with glee.

Asumi noted the pending darkness and gave up trying to call the Queens from their pursuit. She took the lost children to the mountain chalet and began to prepare dinner. Still, Sarah and Laura did not return. Eventually, Captain Morgan Pepper, Warrior Emily, and the tired scuba crew returned. As soon she arrived, Emily asked where Laura and Sarah were (she wanted to tell them all about her day kicking the fitness out of Captain's crew). When Asumi explained in a worrisome way that Sarah and Laura had yet to return from the duckgull adventure, Emily knew immediately that unless they were forcibly removed, the Queens could end up all the way back to the Nutella tree- or worse!She grabbed her Seeking Sword and ran toward the beach.

In fact, the Queens were stranded on a rock way out in the bay. The duckgulls realized that Sarah and Laura lacked Asumi's aquatic skills and swam to safety. Sarah and Laura attempted to follow and were now sitting on a rock, shaking and praying to Hare Julie for deliverance.

Unfortunately, Warrior Emily also did not posses Asumi's watery ways, but as usual she supplemented her lack of skill with sheer willpower. Eventually, she swam to the rock and began berating Laura and Sarah for their foolishness. Laura quickly put an end to Emily's insults and commanded Emily to deliver them. This tactic worked, and Emily's warrior synapses fired into action. She took the shield from her back and instructed the Queens to sit in it. Then she took off her shirt, exposing her Warrior breasts without any consideration of modesty. Despite their fatigue, this caused another giggle-fest from Laura and Sarah, which Emily "poo-poo'd" and ignored (much to Emily's chagrin and Laura's delight, Sarah even pretended to reach for a poke- Emily swatted her away with a growl). Emily used her shirt and belt as a sail and pushed the girls off the rock. Then, she conjured all the remaining energy within her legs, tight bum, and spinning giraffe tail to push the wet Queens to shore.

By the time they arrived back to the chalet, Warrior Emily was in her most fearful state: Hangry (hungry and angry). She dumped the Queens on Asumi's front porch and headed directly to the kitchen, barely stopping to grab a blanket to cover her upper-half. Sarah and Laura were also hungry but they realized it was a dancing night and thus prioritized their activities. Rather than sit down to a late feast, they grabbed random desserts leftover on the dining hall table and ran to their rooms to change into their festive gowns. In less than an hour all two-and-a-half Queens arrived to the party, where Asumi greeted them with a big sigh and her characteristic warm embrace. They told her the entire story- Emily leading with a concise and fervent detail as Laura and Sarah interjected hilarious and innapropriate comments. Emily was so irritated by the end of the story that she stalked away to lay in front of the fire with some tired Lost Children. However, Asumi compassionately poured Emily a glass of her favorite alcoholic elixir and incited Sarah and Laura to shimmy their way across the hall. Despite her efforts, Warrior Emily could not help but chuckle at the ridiculous, pseudo-sexy show winding it's way toward her. By the time they arrived, all three-and-a-half Queens collapsed into a warm, cuddly, slightly intoxicated gaggle of giggles, shrouded by the warmth of the fire.

As you know, the Three and A Half Queens love each other very much.